If you are passive throughout your life you might never be able to express your needs. It is never good to be too aggressive either, because others might feel that you’re being too pushy or demanding. In order to express your desires and your needs you need to be assertive but also in a way that your peers will respect you to follow through.
See our list of unwritten rules on how to be assertive below.
Assertiveness is compromising with others while freely expressing his or her own opinions with respect and confidence. Assertive nature rarely stays neutral and is never afraid to speak their mind to have their opinions and demands up in the air.
Aggressiveness is stating demands without regards of other peoples opinions. Freely expressing themselves confidently in their opinions and pushing to have their demands met by peers. This normally evokes pushy behavior and makes it less likely for people to work with you.
Aggressive-Assertiveness – Aggressive-assertiveness is basically persuasive aggression in a nutshell. Learn to be aggressive in a way that you not only promote your opinion in the matter but also how it will benefit them in the process. People are more likely to work with your demands no matter how aggressive you are if they see it benefiting them in their favor.
There probably was a time when you needed something but you did not request it because you were afraid to either bother the other person, never voiced your demands, or whatever excuse it was. The second rule is to always make demands regardless if you believe the other person might refuse. Demands are the bare essentials to being assertive and a way for us to voice our opinions and wants to others.
It is not possible to change the people that are around you. Instead, try to change their opinions and how they think. Go back and read aggressive-assertive behavior at the beginning.
Learning how to be assertive means not being a pushover. Not everything is black and white in life. Neutral, passive behavior in general will get you nowhere so you’ll need to learn to be speak up and demand the things you want in a cordial manner. Find a middle ground on what you’re comfortable with but lean a bit more towards the aggressive route to build an assertive outlook.
You need to tell people what you expect from them and to not be afraid to say what you think and feel about things. Criticizing is not a pleasant thing to do but it is also something that people don’t normally get from their peers. Criticizing takes courage to say what’s on your mind regarding others and they will respect you in return as long as the criticism helps benefit them/their performance.
Understand that assertiveness is just the process of chasing the things you want. If done without restraint and control it may become aggression which can turn against you. Learn to respect others and their opinions when you’re getting your point across and get others to understand your point of view to agree with you. Be open to other peoples thoughts so you can understand their point of view, then go back to Rule #3 and try to change it.
People will not hate you if you say no to them. I repeat, people will not hate you if you say no to them. And if they do then they never had a real relationship with you in the first place.
You cannot please everyone, so it is allowed to be selfish from time to time and to think of yourself first. People who really matter will understand that as well especially if you feel it’s too out of your way or they’re just using up your time for their own selfish needs. Never be a yes man where you’re willing to jump on board the help train when others need it. This especially makes you appear weak and allows other to take advantage of you. Not to say you can help from time to time, but really take a look at the situation and the person and see if it’s worth your time.
It might be difficult to always act in assertive or neutral way, but once you master assertiveness you will feel more confident and be able to express yourself more freely.
Did our list of unwritten rules on how to be assertive help? Is there something you think should be added to the list? Let us know in the comments below!